Process

Winter Term has started and is half way over already... i am happy that it's going faster than Fall term. But the real thing that has caused me to write is change.

I'm no too fond of it right now- to be absolutely truthful. Jeremy Gange and his wife Mallory are leaving. They are leaving the church and we are gettting a new person... i'm assuming.

It's hard for me not to think of Rob when stuff like this happens. ... stuff like this... i guess i could be a little more descriptive. It's hard for me not to think of Rob when someone I've grown up with leaves the home I'm used to. And honestly it's hard for me to be happy about them leaving. That's selfish but it's the truth. I'm sure it's very exciting for them to be going somewhere new and most of all- following the will of God for their life... but it's hard for me to be excited for them to be leaving.

Our worship pastor is leaving too. He's going back to Boise and following God's will once again for his life. Two pastors in one month. There is one difference in this situation, however, than Rob's. When Rob left it felt like the church had a huge hole, and it was going to take a long time to recover... but with two pastors leaving... I don't feel like the church has even one hole. Yes, we're going to miss Jeremy and Scott- but we're also going to benefit from them being here and we're going to move on- just as they will miss us and move on... spiritually.

I'm worried about my future. I am hoping to move to corvallis this coming Fall but i'm not sure about jobs or if i'll even move into the house i want to be in...

I'm unsure of the people who have always been with me will no longer be so close. With college comes new people and new connections, but i want the connections from high school to last so bad.

I feel frustrated that our church has no college group but i would feel like i was betraying our church if i went to another church's small groups... I'm hesitant to join the adult groups in our church because i know i'm not an adult- and i feel the need to be around people my own age... instead of ten to twenty years older than me.

I guess i feel like my life is changing without me. Some things I want to happen, but others i'm trying to hold on to- and they're moving whether i want to or not. I haven't been emotionally stable for years and i feel like i should be at 18. I feel like other people expect me to have it together and i'm afraid to tell them that i don't- even though it may show...

I thought high school was my hardest time in trusting God- but i'm finding that at this point in my life- it's even harder.

This is me being open -

As far as I'm concerned so called "genius" in the medical and science fields are stupid. Let me explain-

I'm look for a health article for my science class and I'm looking and i see a headline that says, "Teen Sex may take emotional toll".

Why is this not a complete Duh? Next they're going to say that abortions aren't too good on women either. I knew this when i was in middle school and Doctors are JUST NOW telling people this.

I know doctors, researchers and scientists have come up with some brilliant stuff- but sometimes it just amazes me that 1. I knew things in middle school they didn't know and 2. it was because of the Bible.

HMPH! Maybe researchers should take a look at that Book to find some more thoughts!

I'm finding it harder and harder to trust people these days.

Someone broke into my car Friday night and took my book bag (probably thinking it had a laptop in it), a pair of shoes and mine and Luke's Cowboy hats...
Unfortenately the contents in the bag may be the difference between me failing and passing some classes. Two notebooks FULL of notes for Biology and Sociology, a graphing calculator, a spare set of keys for my car, my USB drive, all my math assignments with class notes on them, and not to mention the bag that no one else had!

I have to change the locks on my doors so he won't come back and take the entire car. I need to replace Luke's $150 dollar hat, and my (around) $200 dollar calculator. And of course copy four weeks worth of Sociology notes from Hannah (thanks so much!).

These are the times when it's hard to trust someone, let alone forgive them. Especially someone you can't see but you know they did NOT have you're best interest in mind.

I'm hurt. I feel violated and hopeless. I started crying in church because we were singing a song about God always being there for us- and I know he was there when that theif broke my window. It's hard to ask why He would let something happen like this- but i know I'l be better off... somehow.
Depending on Him is the only way i'll come out of this ok. Maybe that's the lesson in all of this. People always say how God is a teacher- and I always seem to forget that until i have a lesson to learn myself.